Don't Shower!!!

The following is a comprehensive list of reasons that one could and should skip bathing for at least a week.

You could and probably should skip bathing for a week if:

• You’re scared of getting sucked down the drain
• You want to keep away creepy people at school
• You’re proud to have been touched by someone famous
• You’re waiting in line for concert tickets
• You want to get back at your girlfriend because she didn't shower for weeks
• Your nose is plugged and you can't smell your stench
• You don't want to be late for English class
• You have really good deodorant
• You want dreadlocks
• You’re allergic to water
• You’re mad at your parents for not letting you do something and you want to stink them into submission
• You’re reading a really good book and forget to shower
• It’s against your religion
• You sleep too much
• There’s a worldwide water shortage
• You’re studying for final exams
• A hypnotist told you not to
• Your girlfriend's a rugby player
• You go to the beach everyday so you don't need to
• You have nowhere to shower
• You live in Ok Falls
• You’re in a marathon dancing contest
• You’re lost in the desert
• You’re in the belly of a whale
• You’re engrossed in a movie marathon (watching The Lord of the Rings)
• You’re just plain lazy
• You’re playing WOW
• You’re trying to get in touch with nature
• You’re stuck in a spaceship
• You procrastinate
• You’re biking across Canada
• You’re time-traveling
• You have no more shampoo
• There are creepy stalkers outside your window
• You’re being blackmailed
• The Ferris wheel broke down with you at the top
• There’s an alligator in your tub
• You have hydrophobia (fear of drowning/water)
• Your pipes froze
• You’re part of a survivor game show
• You didn't pay the water bill
• You’re on Facebook
• You’re part of a protest
• You’re angry at a spouse
• You’re attempting self-grooming techniques (like the monkeys)
• You have an open wound
• You got a complete body henna tattoo
• Your face paint will wash off
• You’re too weak to turn the taps on
• Someone stole your shower curtain
• You lost your shower cap
• Your cat had kittens in your bathtub
• There’s a toaster super-glued into your bathtub
• You’re busy saving the world from meteorites
• You’re watching I Love Lucy reruns
• You’re playing hide and seek
• You’re in a coma
• You’ve been abducted by aliens
• The voices told you not to
• You’re stuck in a tree
• You’re a professional deodorant tester
• Your plumber is on strike
• You have explosive diarrhea
• You were Saran wrapped to someone/something
• You’re stuck in the airport
• Your Icecap melted and you fell into a deep dark depression
• You’re stuck to the sidewalk because you stepped in gum
• You got dumped by the love of your life
• You got dumped by the love of your life because you didn't shower for a week
• You’re a swimmer
• You’re bald


All of the above arguments prove quite convincing as to why one should not shower and/or bathe for a week. In fact, with so many reasons, it is advisable that you just don't shower, especially if you...



...just enjoy the smell of stink.