The following is a comprehensive list of reasons that one could and should skip bathing for at least a week.
You could and probably should skip bathing for a week if:
• You’re scared of getting sucked down the drain
• You want to keep away creepy people at school
• You’re proud to have been touched by someone famous
• You’re waiting in line for concert tickets
• You want to get back at your girlfriend because she didn't shower for weeks
• Your nose is plugged and you can't smell your stench
• You don't want to be late for English class
• You have really good deodorant
• You want dreadlocks
• You’re allergic to water
• You’re mad at your parents for not letting you do something and you want to stink them into submission
• You’re reading a really good book and forget to shower
• It’s against your religion
• You sleep too much
• There’s a worldwide water shortage
• You’re studying for final exams
• A hypnotist told you not to
• Your girlfriend's a rugby player
• You go to the beach everyday so you don't need to
• You have nowhere to shower
• You live in Ok Falls
• You’re in a marathon dancing contest
• You’re lost in the desert
• You’re in the belly of a whale
• You’re engrossed in a movie marathon (watching The Lord of the Rings)
• You’re just plain lazy
• You’re playing WOW
• You’re trying to get in touch with nature
• You’re stuck in a spaceship
• You procrastinate
• You’re biking across Canada
• You’re time-traveling
• You have no more shampoo
• There are creepy stalkers outside your window
• You’re being blackmailed
• The Ferris wheel broke down with you at the top
• There’s an alligator in your tub
• You have hydrophobia (fear of drowning/water)
• Your pipes froze
• You’re part of a survivor game show
• You didn't pay the water bill
• You’re on Facebook
• You’re part of a protest
• You’re angry at a spouse
• You’re attempting self-grooming techniques (like the monkeys)
• You have an open wound
• You got a complete body henna tattoo
• Your face paint will wash off
• You’re too weak to turn the taps on
• Someone stole your shower curtain
• You lost your shower cap
• Your cat had kittens in your bathtub
• There’s a toaster super-glued into your bathtub
• You’re busy saving the world from meteorites
• You’re watching I Love Lucy reruns
• You’re playing hide and seek
• You’re in a coma
• You’ve been abducted by aliens
• The voices told you not to
• You’re stuck in a tree
• You’re a professional deodorant tester
• Your plumber is on strike
• You have explosive diarrhea
• You were Saran wrapped to someone/something
• You’re stuck in the airport
• Your Icecap melted and you fell into a deep dark depression
• You’re stuck to the sidewalk because you stepped in gum
• You got dumped by the love of your life
• You got dumped by the love of your life because you didn't shower for a week
• You’re a swimmer
• You’re bald
All of the above arguments prove quite convincing as to why one should not shower and/or bathe for a week. In fact, with so many reasons, it is advisable that you just don't shower, especially if you...
...just enjoy the smell of stink.
Friday, May 15, 2009
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING YOU
Most citizens believe that surveillance and tracking systems will keep them safe; that they'll provide protection and that countless numbers of crimes will be solved because of them. Although this is true to some extent, surveillance on such a wide scale is now invading privacy and eliminating obscurity in everyday life.
Just like "Nineteen Eighty-Four", our lives are being watched by numerous agencies and government wings, not to mention the ever expanding number of privately owned surveillance systems and modes of tracking civilians. According to the February 28th Vancouver Sun article, "Surveillance Society" by Don Butler, in Britain alone there is an "estimated 4.2 million CCTV cameras - one for every 14 citizens." This is analogous to the telescreens found in every home and room in "Nineteen Eighty-Four". The majority of today's population is still unaware they are being watched to such a degree and therefore don't object. Even when one thinks they're safe, say sitting in a coffee shop, it is extremely probable that cameras are in fact "concealed in the coffee shop ceiling" staring; unblinkingly recording hours upon hours of video. Winston and Julia face a similar situation when they believe they are safe above the antique shop yet they are actually under the watchful eye of Big Brother. As well, such mechanisms as GM's On Star are sited as being 2-way systems and could provide companies with eavesdropping capabilities in much the same fashion as 1984's Ministry of Love. Furthermore, Butler notes the ability of governments to access all public data either through remote searches of computers or via 'echelon systems' which "[intercept] and [analyse] millions of emails, phone calls, faxes and telexes" in real time. Body imaging and brain surveillance is now being tested and used for convictions of criminals, just as the thought police convicts over the slightest abnormality in thought or appearance.
The means by which we can be tracked are boundless and video surveillance merely scratches the surface. RFIDS, loyalty cards, ISPs, licence-plate recognition systems, event data recorders, echelon systems, body imagers and brain sureveillance systems are all producing and recording terabytes of information about every movement and action we take. Over many years, surveillance over our society has developed significantly and is quite near the convergance point with that of "Nineteen Eighty-Four".
You may also want to adjust your Facebook and Myspace security settings; otherwise you're just giving away your life story and ultimately even your identity.
Just like "Nineteen Eighty-Four", our lives are being watched by numerous agencies and government wings, not to mention the ever expanding number of privately owned surveillance systems and modes of tracking civilians. According to the February 28th Vancouver Sun article, "Surveillance Society" by Don Butler, in Britain alone there is an "estimated 4.2 million CCTV cameras - one for every 14 citizens." This is analogous to the telescreens found in every home and room in "Nineteen Eighty-Four". The majority of today's population is still unaware they are being watched to such a degree and therefore don't object. Even when one thinks they're safe, say sitting in a coffee shop, it is extremely probable that cameras are in fact "concealed in the coffee shop ceiling" staring; unblinkingly recording hours upon hours of video. Winston and Julia face a similar situation when they believe they are safe above the antique shop yet they are actually under the watchful eye of Big Brother. As well, such mechanisms as GM's On Star are sited as being 2-way systems and could provide companies with eavesdropping capabilities in much the same fashion as 1984's Ministry of Love. Furthermore, Butler notes the ability of governments to access all public data either through remote searches of computers or via 'echelon systems' which "[intercept] and [analyse] millions of emails, phone calls, faxes and telexes" in real time. Body imaging and brain surveillance is now being tested and used for convictions of criminals, just as the thought police convicts over the slightest abnormality in thought or appearance.
The means by which we can be tracked are boundless and video surveillance merely scratches the surface. RFIDS, loyalty cards, ISPs, licence-plate recognition systems, event data recorders, echelon systems, body imagers and brain sureveillance systems are all producing and recording terabytes of information about every movement and action we take. Over many years, surveillance over our society has developed significantly and is quite near the convergance point with that of "Nineteen Eighty-Four".
You may also want to adjust your Facebook and Myspace security settings; otherwise you're just giving away your life story and ultimately even your identity.
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