Testing 1, 2, 3...Can anybody see me?

The skills of North American drivers have been deteriorating steadily with the increase in distractions and the lack of enforcement of simple rules and laws. This is due in part to a lack of awareness and simply the forgetfulness and length of time since a formal driving test of some older drivers. It will become clear that periodic testing procedures for all drivers is a necessity to the safety of the public.

It can be seen that according to the 2007 article "Older, Dangerous Drivers A Growing Problem", accident rate begins to increase as drivers reach ages in excess of 60. Young drivers still incur a great number of property damage claims which does not pose a serious threat to public safety. As well, the value of the claims made by young people is a direct result of higher end custom cars.

To be continued....

Don't Shower!!!

The following is a comprehensive list of reasons that one could and should skip bathing for at least a week.

You could and probably should skip bathing for a week if:

• You’re scared of getting sucked down the drain
• You want to keep away creepy people at school
• You’re proud to have been touched by someone famous
• You’re waiting in line for concert tickets
• You want to get back at your girlfriend because she didn't shower for weeks
• Your nose is plugged and you can't smell your stench
• You don't want to be late for English class
• You have really good deodorant
• You want dreadlocks
• You’re allergic to water
• You’re mad at your parents for not letting you do something and you want to stink them into submission
• You’re reading a really good book and forget to shower
• It’s against your religion
• You sleep too much
• There’s a worldwide water shortage
• You’re studying for final exams
• A hypnotist told you not to
• Your girlfriend's a rugby player
• You go to the beach everyday so you don't need to
• You have nowhere to shower
• You live in Ok Falls
• You’re in a marathon dancing contest
• You’re lost in the desert
• You’re in the belly of a whale
• You’re engrossed in a movie marathon (watching The Lord of the Rings)
• You’re just plain lazy
• You’re playing WOW
• You’re trying to get in touch with nature
• You’re stuck in a spaceship
• You procrastinate
• You’re biking across Canada
• You’re time-traveling
• You have no more shampoo
• There are creepy stalkers outside your window
• You’re being blackmailed
• The Ferris wheel broke down with you at the top
• There’s an alligator in your tub
• You have hydrophobia (fear of drowning/water)
• Your pipes froze
• You’re part of a survivor game show
• You didn't pay the water bill
• You’re on Facebook
• You’re part of a protest
• You’re angry at a spouse
• You’re attempting self-grooming techniques (like the monkeys)
• You have an open wound
• You got a complete body henna tattoo
• Your face paint will wash off
• You’re too weak to turn the taps on
• Someone stole your shower curtain
• You lost your shower cap
• Your cat had kittens in your bathtub
• There’s a toaster super-glued into your bathtub
• You’re busy saving the world from meteorites
• You’re watching I Love Lucy reruns
• You’re playing hide and seek
• You’re in a coma
• You’ve been abducted by aliens
• The voices told you not to
• You’re stuck in a tree
• You’re a professional deodorant tester
• Your plumber is on strike
• You have explosive diarrhea
• You were Saran wrapped to someone/something
• You’re stuck in the airport
• Your Icecap melted and you fell into a deep dark depression
• You’re stuck to the sidewalk because you stepped in gum
• You got dumped by the love of your life
• You got dumped by the love of your life because you didn't shower for a week
• You’re a swimmer
• You’re bald


All of the above arguments prove quite convincing as to why one should not shower and/or bathe for a week. In fact, with so many reasons, it is advisable that you just don't shower, especially if you...



...just enjoy the smell of stink.

BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING YOU

Most citizens believe that surveillance and tracking systems will keep them safe; that they'll provide protection and that countless numbers of crimes will be solved because of them. Although this is true to some extent, surveillance on such a wide scale is now invading privacy and eliminating obscurity in everyday life.

Just like "Nineteen Eighty-Four", our lives are being watched by numerous agencies and government wings, not to mention the ever expanding number of privately owned surveillance systems and modes of tracking civilians. According to the February 28th Vancouver Sun article, "Surveillance Society" by Don Butler, in Britain alone there is an "estimated 4.2 million CCTV cameras - one for every 14 citizens." This is analogous to the telescreens found in every home and room in "Nineteen Eighty-Four". The majority of today's population is still unaware they are being watched to such a degree and therefore don't object. Even when one thinks they're safe, say sitting in a coffee shop, it is extremely probable that cameras are in fact "concealed in the coffee shop ceiling" staring; unblinkingly recording hours upon hours of video. Winston and Julia face a similar situation when they believe they are safe above the antique shop yet they are actually under the watchful eye of Big Brother. As well, such mechanisms as GM's On Star are sited as being 2-way systems and could provide companies with eavesdropping capabilities in much the same fashion as 1984's Ministry of Love. Furthermore, Butler notes the ability of governments to access all public data either through remote searches of computers or via 'echelon systems' which "[intercept] and [analyse] millions of emails, phone calls, faxes and telexes" in real time. Body imaging and brain surveillance is now being tested and used for convictions of criminals, just as the thought police convicts over the slightest abnormality in thought or appearance.

The means by which we can be tracked are boundless and video surveillance merely scratches the surface. RFIDS, loyalty cards, ISPs, licence-plate recognition systems, event data recorders, echelon systems, body imagers and brain sureveillance systems are all producing and recording terabytes of information about every movement and action we take. Over many years, surveillance over our society has developed significantly and is quite near the convergance point with that of "Nineteen Eighty-Four".

You may also want to adjust your Facebook and Myspace security settings; otherwise you're just giving away your life story and ultimately even your identity.

The Running Game

The roadways are now a playing field; driving, a game of life and death... but not for us humans. I'm talking about the quails; the ones that NEVER die! I guess it's just a game of life then... Anyways, it is impossible to hit them! You may be literally on top of one while speeding down the road at 73km/h and it will happily prance through the maze of squealing tires. This running game, as I'm sure they call it, is merely a joke. It's a smack in the face of humanity and its big powerful machines as something so small is capable of evading the impending danger approximately every two to seven minutes (depending on traffic conditions). After close and endless observation, I've noticed that the quails actually run into the road at the sound of an approaching vehicle, only to turn around when they find themselves under a roaring behemoth of a gas-guzzler. Thus, each and every day I wake up and ask myself "How can these quails run so fast and why do they refuse to fly?" and each and every day I am stumped by the most simple of life's questions. So each day I set out to experiment upon these quails although I'm sure they don't know it. In fact, I am certain they are under the impression that me driving up and down the road is strictly for their amusement and, almost sadly, the 'running of the gauntlet' has yet to yield any casualties in all my years of driving. (Yes, I realize I've only been driving for 2 years, but I have been riding shotgun for many more!)
It's possible that quails are in fact demon sprites from the netherworld, but, nevertheless, the truth of the matter is: THEY DON'T DIE! Example: for about three years their was a quail with only one usable leg...and it could still escape from the shadow of death! Without flying!!!
I suppose the quest for dominance over this species of road runners is futile... I give up. My new motto is "Quails don't die, so don't even try!"

19, 19, 1985..er..4

Eric Arthur Blair, more commonly known as George Orwell, incorporates a plethora of details into his writing which closely parallel the political era in which he wrote. Additionally, his literature closely emulates his personal and political beliefs. Orwell's anti-totalitarianism was well known in his time for the political air in Britain was one of great oppression during WWII. It is evident that this carries into his writing as the main character of 1984 has (so far) many thoughts of overthrowing The Party and of his resentment towards their oppressive behavior. The alteration of the 'truth' by the The Party illustrates a striking similarity to the Stalin regime which involved itself in destroying history and censuring of literature. The communist government of the Soviet Union and life within it are mirrored in that many of the lower to middle class civilians go without boots or roofs over their head as was the case in communist Russia. As well, the governments of Britain and Russia both reported important gains in worldly affairs whereas the truth was to the contrary. Even the characters of Goldstein and BB (Big Brother) have real-life counterparts. Public enemy number one, that is to say the Party defector Goldstein, is suggested as being Leon Trotsky. Both of whom share the same religion and personality characteristics. BB is described as being nearly identical to Stalin. [See photo and description below] It is clear that Orwell's work, 1984, closely correlates to the actual time in which it was written.


"The black-moustachio'd face gazed down..."
"The face of a man about forty-five, with heavy black mioustache and ruggedly handsome features."


1984
George Orwell

Hey Nice Cow Outfit!

Definitely not what you want your kids to be emulating; Role Models is a serious can of laughs with a full-on spattering of crude, rude and nude behavior, but the best part is it has a plot!

The first thing you'll notice is the humorous characters of Wheeler and Danny. Both of whom are rocking party animals (one willingly and the other by association) who work as energy drink representatives and are most likely the company's biggest consumers as their pee is shown to be an acid green. *sorry for that image* These two men have been sentenced to 150 hours of community service for driving their company's giant bull-truck onto a statue in order to avoid being towed away. This time is to be served as mentors in a Big Brothers-like program. The "littles" as they're referred to couldn’t be funnier. Ronnie is a black, street-thug 10 year old, while Augie is a real-life RPG warrior.
One liners and hilarious rants are the name of the game in this film and the impulsive actions, coupled with the hilarity of the premise makes for a good all-round family movie...only you shouldn't let the whole family watch it!

This brings me to my next point...

This movie is crude, rude and the actors are definitely nude! In addition to the constant torrent of profanities from Ronnie, the majority of the actors have a rather unconventional diction. The sense of vulgarity is furthered by the multiple procreatory scenes and the plethora of innuendos.

The profane language and nudity luckily doesn't detract from the plot; in fact, it enhances the development of the characters Wheeler, Danny and Ronnie. In the beginning of this tale, our two protagonists are unwillingly forced to do community service. Their attitudes are ones of contempt and apathy towards society and its expectations. After a great number of obstacles and failures, Wheeler and Danny mature significantly while reconnecting with their inner child. In the final battle (literally) our four main characters form their own nation and fight to the death. Augie ends up not only killing the opposing king, but he also gets the girl, however only after she kills him and becomes the new queen.

An excellently made movie even with the choice of language; this one is a must see!

-Superman

Synthesizer

As we see in "The Lottery" and in "The Perils of Indifference" the most "ordinary" of citizens can take the most extraordinary actions, yet in these instances they are extraordinarily terrible and inhumane.

The small village in which The Lottery takes place is full of caring, normal families; the children "broke into boisterous play" and the men of the town spoke of "planting and rain; tractors and taxes" while waiting for the lottery to begin. The bloodbath to follow was a sharp contrast to the sun bathed square upon which the residents gathered. When the 'winner' was announced the normal citizens scrambled to fetch rocks of all sizes and quickly became a vicious mob of savage animals. Even Mrs Delecroix, a relatively normal housewife, "selected a stone so large she had to pick it up with both hands..." From this one action it is clear that Mrs. Delecroix doesn't hold anything back as the mob rushes Tessie Hutchinson, violently stoning her to death.

The speech given in The Perils of Indifference delves into some of humanity's darkest moments and action, or inaction as is the case, of the twentieth century. The St. Louis incident is a noteworthy instance of indifference and the consequent death of 1000 Jewish people when they were turned away from the US and forced to return to Germany. The nonacceptance of these people spoke volumes to Hitler and may have further encouraged his "cleansing" as the world showed they didn't care for the Jewish community either. Because "the Wehrmacht could not have conducted its invasion of France without oil obtained from American sources" it is clear that even the public and businesses of America were unresponsive to the plight of the Jewish people. It wasn't until the bombing of Pearl Harbor that the US became officially involved in WWII. This is the epitome of indifference; the US only became alarmed and moved to action when they were directly affected.

The additional photograph from the 1950's era showed a great deal of both aggression towards minorities and their acquaintances as well as indifference. The young people who perpetrated the act of pouring shakes onto the three teens were clearly "normal" citizens, yet they undertook extraordinary action. Additionally, the bystanders to this atrocity were of almost equal fault for allowing this to happen.

All of these texts are examples of the susceptibility of humanity to commit grave injustices. The indifference expressed on multiple occasions in history is a constant reminder that we must not simply 'let it be' for "indifference is always the friend of the enemy [and] always benefits the aggressor - never the victim."

-Superman